Sturm und Mom

The Storm & Stress (& Joy) of Motherhood

Remind Me Again How I’m the Loser

Reading this article left me the most disturbed I’ve been all week (h/t Kathy Shaidle.)  (The second most disturbed was when my little kids came out of the bathroom with a Dixie cup exclaiming “We made you tea — with cream in it!”  But I digress…)

The author of this column, Liz Jones, seems to be one of those women newspapers employ because they write bizarre, unbalanced and salacious stuff, and generate a lot of “controversy,” and therefore lots of readers (1000+ comments on this story alone.)  The gist of her tale is that she was desperate in her late 30’s to have a baby, and resorted to all sorts of nefarious plots to try to unknowingly entrap her boyfriends/husbands into impregnating her.  She then claims that many of her middle-aged female friends are doing the same thing.  It ends with the warning to men about these shifty gals:

If there are any men out there even contemplating getting close to a woman in her late 30s or early 40s, I suggest you tread very carefully.

She might be the woman for you; she might be totally honest if she says she doesn’t want to rush into motherhood.  But she might also be a duplicitous creature willing to go to any lengths to fulfil her dreams of having a family.

When I was in my 20’s in the 1990’s, and hopped-up on feminist-gender theory, I would have considered a married mother of six (i.e. myself in 2011,) as being an oppressed baby-factory, her true dreams and aspirations suppressed by religious fundamentalism, no more than a domestic servant that you don’t have to pay.  The “traditional gender role” for women, everyone knew, meant spending your life begging your husband for money, at least until he abandons you to a lonely existence with your cat, hoping against hope a man will call.  Everyone knew, there was no dignity in being a housewife.  No dignity at all.

Funny how all the “dignity” that these social progressives keep promising us, doesn’t seem so dignified when you actually have to live it.  Take euthanasia, for example.  Two days I ago, while waiting for my appointment, I over heard the older Doctor warn his much younger employee to get married, or when she was older, no one would take care of her.  “They’re bringing in euthanasia now,”  he told her.  “You better watch out.”

While she laughed it off, he wasn’t smiling. Death with dignity, or death because people get tired of footing the bill for your nursing home?

Raising 6 kids may not be the most dignified job (heck, I’ll be the first to admit that,) but I’ve never, ever, even considered doing something as humiliating as retrieving a used prophylactic from some guy I could barely tolerate, with the hope of having a baby.  Or listened to different men tell me that they had too many “sexual offers” to continue seeing me.   Or decided that I should abort one of my children’s siblings, because funds were tight this month.  Or strap my kids into their car seats at 5:30 am on the way to daycare, while later that day my spouse goes out boat shopping.  And while my husband could try to withhold money from me, he might have a problem with all the joint bank accounts, credit cards, mortgage, and the titles to the vehicles and house.  Not to mention he hates to pay bills and budget.

However, I guess they got me with the “lonely old lady with her cat” future that awaits me.  Oh, hold on….

I still have days now when I wished the sperm-theft had worked; that I had a daughter or son my husband felt compelled to visit.

Not, I’m ashamed to say, because I think I’d be a particularly good mum, but because our relationship would not have been a complete waste of time, with nothing to show for it but bad memories and a shared cat.

Yeah, sometimes winning seems a lot like losing.  Count me as a happy “Loser.”



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