Mommyisms that drive me nuts
I had to spend 25 minutes in line at the fabric store to buy $6.50 stretchy lace. Since that put me in such a positive mood, I thought I would regale you all with a list of Mommyisms That Drive Me Nuts.
The “Always Win” Mom
This gal come in two types: nice and nasty. The nasty version has been played out in every female centred suburban drama since they invented television. Enough has been said about them. But those nice ones. Let’s just say, if you went to her house to get support after learning you may have some terrible illness, by the time you left, you will have spent the last 90 minutes helping her with her kid’s bad attitude problem. And feel good about it. No matter what problem, theirs’ will be worse, and no matter what achievement, their kids will be better. And you just can help but still like them.
The “Duck and Cover, Here Comes Mother” Mom
With her humongous handbag hanging from her forearm, the take out coffee in one hand, and her car key in the other, this lady’s kids can’t get anywhere near enough to hold one of those acrylic square tip fingernails. Instead, he or she plays a game of bob and weave away from all the elbows and purses that keep being swung around. If all the women around you are constantly wincing and making that “sheeee!!!” sound, it’s time to get a shoulder strap.
The “My Kid’s Suri Cruise” Mom
Yeah, well, no, she’s not. And what makes people wince when they see it in OK! Magazine, is even worse right in front of you in real life. There is nothing quite as uncomfortable as the fake smile on the Kindergarten teacher’s face when your kid holds up her shoes and cries “Look! I have high heels just like you!”
The “Spends Hours Making a Historically Accurate Chiton and Decorating it with Sequins for their Kid’s Halloween Costume” Mom
Okay, that’s me. Sometimes I really annoy myself.
The “Talks to Herself Like She Has Kids Around When She Doesn’t” Mom
Okay, that’s me again. But it’s really hard to stop talking in a constant monologue after 10 years. I’ve made a lot of friends though. All by accident, but still. They didn’t know I wasn’t talking to them when they answered back.
The “Can I Suggest Something” Mom
Why would you think that a stressed out, frazzled, over worked woman dealing with an out-of-control offspring would want your parenting tips? Do you think that by humiliating her in public, this will somehow improve her mood? Why not capture this all on your cell phone, and then you can meet up later for some one on one coaching? By the way, are you kids really that good all the time? If you want to help out a mom with a bad kid, pretend you can’t see or hear them. I’m sure they will return the favour one day.
Well, I’m feeling better now. Thank goodness. I’ll save “Cursed by her Fertility” Mom and “Can He Play You Something on the Trumpet?” Mom for after the next time I need notions.